


The Hogwarts Theatre Company

by avadakebullshit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Fluff and Humor, Multi, Oblivious James Potter, hogwarts theatre, remus lupin is a sneaky bastard, so is marlene, something fun, there is side wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avadakebullshit/pseuds/avadakebullshit
Summary: Who needs courage when you have Remus Lupin, Marlene McKinnon and a school production of Disney's 'Aladdin'?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31
Collections: James and Lily Fanfics





	1. The Audition

**Author's Note:**

> something fun and slightly stupid for no reason whatsoever, aka literally everything i've ever written.

“Name?”

“Seriously, Moony? You know my n-”

“Name?”

James grunted.

“The man asked you for your name,” Marlene snapped.

“Fine. James Potter.”

“Any middle names?”

“Really? I fucking hate you. Fleamont.” James sighed

Remus smiled. This was going to be fun.

❄❄❄

James Potter was auditioning for the Christmas production. He wasn’t quite sure why. It had something to do with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew being annoying little shits.

There wasn’t usually a school play, or at least he didn’t think so. He was far too cool to be involved in such things. Well, that’s what he liked to tell himself. But yet there he was, standing on a makeshift stage in front of Marlene McKinnon and Remus Lupin, auditioning for the part of Aladdin. 

He was only trying out in the first place because Sirius agreed to do it too, and two Marauders making a fool of themselves is much better than just the one. He didn’t even know what ‘Aladdin’ was about, but it was a huge hit with all the muggleborns, and, apparently, Dumbledore. He just hoped he didn’t have to sing.

“And what part are you auditioning for?” Remus asked, smirking. He was enjoying all of this way too much. Because he was a prefect, he was considered responsible enough to direct the entire show, with the help of Marlene McKinnon. Little did the teachers know, together, they were an unstoppable force of sarcasm, wit, and ulterior motives. Which is exactly why they agreed to the job in the first place.

“Aladdin?” James said.

“Are you sure?” Marlene laughed. “It’s quite a big role.”

James rolled his eyes. “Well, duh. It’s the name of the show.”

Remus leaned over and whispered something in Marlene’s ear. He was too far away for James to hear; they were both sitting on a sofa which had been transfigured to look like proper theatre seats. 

“Okay, James. Off you go.”

“Huh?”

The beginning of a song James recognised had started to play, filling the small room with sound. 

“Is there a problem, Potter?” Marlene asked.

“I didn’t realise I would have to sing!”

Both Marlene and Remus laughed. “What did you think you’d have to do? It’s a musical, James.”

James clenched his jaw. He was going to kill someone.

“Come on, you know the song! Sirius plays it all the time.” Remus was struggling to hold in a laugh. Bastard.

James Potter could not sing. One might even go as far to say that he was completely tone-deaf. ‘One’ was Remus Lupin. And Remus Lupin was going to make him sing.

The song restarted, and James readied himself. If he was going to sing, he was going to do it with pride. Remus was right. He did know the song. As much as Sirius liked to think he was ‘punk rock’, he did have a certain fondness for musical theatre, and ‘A Whole New World’ was one of his favourites. 

So, with as much dignity he could muster, he began to sing. “I can show you the world.”

He was nothing short of awful, and he knew it. Remus knew it. Marlene knew it. And yet he had the strangest feeling that he would get the part anyway. So he decided to make a bit of a show of it. 

Soon enough, he was leaping across the stage, improvising choreography as he went along, much to the delight of his audience. As he reached the final chorus, both Remus and Marlene were shaking uncontrollably with silent laughter. 

James smiled smugly. Another job well done. 

❄❄❄

Sirius Black sauntered onto the stage with the kind of confidence only demonstrated by someone who knows they’re hot.

Sirius Black was auditioning for the school play because he wanted to see James make a fool of himself. And he knew with Remus directing, he would be put in a compromising position which was worth any amount of embarrassment on Sirius’s part. And you never know, it could be fun, performing.

“Name, please?”

“You know my name Moony. I seem to remember you screaming it all last ni-”

“Okay. Yep. Sirius Black. Got it.” Remus flushed a dark crimson, and Sirius grinning. Marlene raised an eyebrow as if to say “Really?” Remus ignored her.

“So,” Remus continued, clearing his throat. “What part will you be auditioning for?”

“I’m cool with whatever. But Aladdin would be cool, I guess.”

“Okay. Well, I’m sure you’re very well rehearsed with the song,” Marlene smirked. Sirius straightened his leather jacket, as if it would cover up the secret theatre-nerd in him. Remus laughed.

The music started up and Sirius smiled. 

He started to sing. He wasn’t awful. He was quite good, in fact. Remus thought so anyway. He’d heard him sing it countless times before but this was different. He was actually trying, for one thing. The fact he knew all of the words didn’t do well to help his ‘punk rock’ image.

Sirius was only slightly less of a performer than James. There was no leaping, but there were a few enthusiastic hand gestures, and by the end, he looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself. 

When the song finished, he did a little bow, beaming. Remus smiled. He wished he could give the part to Sirius, but for his plan to work it had to be James as Aladdin. He would find something for Sirius to do, after all, a guy on stage was pretty darn cute.

❄❄❄

“Name?” Remus asked for what seemed like the millionth time of the day, when the actual number was around 3.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Lily Evans.”

“And what role do you wish to acquire?” Marlene asked. 

“Jasmine.”

Remus smirked. Perfect. 

“And have you prepared a song?”

“Yes. It’s not from Aladdin though.”

Marlene gasped, faux-shocked. “And what will you be singing?”

“We Are The Champions,” she said smugly.

“Good choice.”

Lily nodded, and began to sing a capella, her voice softer than Remus would’ve expected. It was nice, beautiful in fact, and weirdly haunting.   
She wasn’t dramatic like Sirius or James; she just stood there, and somehow, it just worked. It was perfect. 

“That was amazing, Lils,” Marlene said, eyes wide with admiration. 

“Yeah,” Remus said. 

Lily smiled bashfully. “Thanks.”

❄❄❄

“Next.”

A small, rather chubby boy scuttled onto the stage with as much confidence as a hedgehog in headlights.

“Name?” Marlene called.

“Peter Pettigrew,” he said, an edge of nervousness to his voice.

“And which role will you be trying out for, Pete?” Remus asked.

He shrugged. “Wherever you’ll have me.”

Remus attempted to smile encouragingly, although he had never done such a thing before, and it was highly likely he just looked constipated.

The music started to play again, and Peter readied himself. And when he opened his mouth, the most spectacular thing anyone had ever heard belted out. Both Remus and Marlene were shook to the core. How had Remus never known this, after 6 years of friendship? Why had he kept so quiet about it?

Who knew that Peter Pettigrew had a talent for opera singing?

Not Remus Lupin, nor Marlene McKinnon, that’s for sure.

❄❄❄

Smiling triumphantly, Remus Lupin tacked a lonely sheet of parchment to the school noticeboard one fine Saturday morning. Soon, he would be in charge of the best project in his life.

Aladdin - James Fleamont Potter (Sorry Sirius)  
Jasmine - Lily Evans  
Genie - Sirius Black  
Jafar - Snivellus Severus Snape  
Iago - Lucius Malfoy  
Abu - Peter Pettigrew  
The Sultan - Mary Macdonald

Remus held back a giggle. His work had just started.


	2. The Rehearsal

Rehearsal began the weekend after the cast list was announced. It had taken that amount of time for Sirius to calm down enough after being relegated from the lead role that he was used to playing in his daily life. James was pleased though, as much as he hated to admit it, he loved being in the spotlight. Plus, he got to spend more time with Lily, which was always a bonus. 

Remus was having the time of his fucking life. Not much could beat watching your best friends make a fool of themselves while executing your own sneaky plans. It was brilliant. James was confident, Lily was amazing. Sirius was comedic. Peter was weirdly talented. And it was all going perfectly. 

Rehearsal started shakily; James wasn’t as confident in front of Lily, and was even more pitchy than usual. 

“Why do I have to sing, Rem?”

Remus sighed. “Because you’re the lead role and if you don’t like it you can bugger off.” He was counting on James being too proud to ‘bugger off’ because he really needed him. 

After a week or so, the whole cast seemed to open up, with the exception of Snape and Malfoy, who were as slimy and cold as usual. James really came into his own with the role, and Sirius took the opportunity of being the genie to take his shirt off; Remus wasn’t complaining. It was rather distracting though. 

Everything was running smoothly. James and Lily were spending time together, and they seemed to be getting along. Remus and Marlene made sure to leave them alone in as many scenarios as possible. They would have them backstage together sorting out the set, or rehearsing their duets in a secluded cupboard somewhere. 

Despite Lily’s insistence that she couldn’t stand James, (“He’s absolutely unbearable, Remus,” she would moan, while Remus tried to conceal the smile which would bloom on his face) she couldn’t help laughing at his stupid jokes and his stupid face. She couldn’t help becoming his friend. She couldn’t help liking him. And Remus would watch them, relishing in his success so far. It was going well. 

They’d run through most of the script, getting to grips with the general storyline. Remus was getting more and more excited as they reached the end. 

“Remus,” James hissed across the table they were reading at, “what do you think you’re playing at?”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, eyes widening innocently. 

“Why do Jasmine and Aladdin kiss?”

Remus laughed. “That’s the story. They’re in love, Prongs.”

“I know that, but why do we have to do it in the fucking show?”

“I thought you’d want to,” Remus wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“I do. But I don’t want it to be orchestrated by you.”

“Well you better get a move on and do it yourself.”

James glared at him, face stony. “Fuck off.”

Remus shuddered. Rude. He was just trying to help. Maybe he’d gone a bit far. Maybe. But James needed a push in the right direction. It wasn’t his fault that he was a pussy. 

“Fine.”

Lily wasn’t too happy either. “Remus,” she called, running after him after rehearsal. “What’s this thing with James then?”

“What?”

“The kiss. I don’t want to do it.”

“But it’s in the script.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I know what you’re doing. It’s not going to happen.”

Remus shrugged. “Okay,” he said, before walking off towards the common room. 

Lily furrowed her brow. “No,” she said to herself, “I won’t. That’ll show him.”

Remus crashed through the portrait hole and slumped next to Marlene on one of the plush, burgundy sofas. “They’re pissed.”

Marlene sighed. “Of course they are. They’re them.”

Remus laughed. “Is what we’re trying to do morally correct, do you think?” he asked.

Marlene raised an eyebrow. “Since when do you care about morals?” she said, “Besides, it’s fine. We’re helping them get their lives right.”

“You know, I think it’s going to work.”

“It bloody better.”

Remus leaned back into the sofa yawning. It was exhausting work, meddling in other people’s lives. Well. Not meddling, exactly. “Helping,” Marlene had said. It was fine. They’d set the wheels in motion now, after all. 

The next weekend, the cast met at the room of requirement as usual. Every so often, James would cast a questioning look in Lily’s direction, which she pretended not to notice. Remus watched them both like a hawk. They were meant to be running through the entire play to sort out blocking, and it was quite frustrating when neither of the leads were paying much attention to the matter at hand. As much as Remus wanted them to get a move on and just be together already, he did have a show to put on, and he would be damned if it didn’t go well.

“James, focus,” he snapped, and James scowled.

“Sorry boss.”

“And Lily, stop ignoring James. You’re meant to be in love with him.”

Both Lily and James flushed a deep red and Remus smirked. Good to know he could still embarrass them.

After that things seemed to flow more smoothly. Scenes were sorted with only the occasional interruption from Sirius and James bickering. Sirius had taken his shirt off again, which not only flustered Remus but also seemed to arise something in James which may or may not have been disgust.

“Sirius, put your shirt on,” Remus said. “Please.”

“Why? You don’t like it?” Sirius said, looking affronted.

Remus glared at him. “Sirius.”

“Remus,” Sirius smiled cheekily.

Remus smiled back reluctantly. “Fine. I need to talk to you after, though.”

It got to the kiss scene, and oh would you know it. James stiffened (not in that way) and seemed to uptake some sort of fiery determinedness to annoy the fuck out of Remus.

“Don’t yell at Jasmine please. That’s not good.”

James didn’t reply, but a small smile grew on his face. 

Lily was just as determined. She would not be kissing James Potter. Not over her dead body. No. Way.

Eventually, they got to the line, and Remus raised his eyebrows expectantly. 

“Come on,” Marlene yelled from the audience, munching appreciatively on stolen-from-the-kitchens popcorn.

James bit his lip and looked at Lily. Lily looked back at him and rolled her eyes. After a few seconds, she nodded, barely noticeable, but a nod all the same. And giving no time whatsoever for James to prepare himself, she leaned in and kissed him. It was scarcely a peck, but a kiss still the same. James froze as she pulled back.

“What the fuck was that,” Marlene said. “Boo! You guys are boring. That was not the big movie kiss we prepared for.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh. 

“That was pathetic,” Sirius said.

“Fuck off,” both James and Lily said in unison, before glancing at each other awkwardly.

“Well,” Remus started. “I didn’t expect much.”  
“Oh shut up,” James hissed.

And he turned back to Lily, and kissed her rather violently, grabbing at her hair. And she kissed him back, forcing her tongue into his mouth. 

“There,” she said. “How’d you like that?”

They both stood there, faces red with anger, jaws locked and arms crossed.

“I knew that would work.”

“What?” James practically yelled.

“You are both so stubborn, it’s unbelievable,” Marlene said. 

“I can’t believe you made me kiss James fucking Potter.”

James said nothing.

Sirius was beaming and ruffled James’s hair. “I’m so proud of you, Jamesy.”

“Shut up,” he said, but Remus noticed a smile creeping up his face.

“Potter,” Lily said, her voice stony.

“Yes?”

“Come with me.” And with that, she grabbed his hand and dragged him away to do who knows what.

“That’s all folks,” Marlene called. “We’ll see you tomorrow for a continuation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hee hee


	3. The Performance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter! all feedback is appreciated

“You wanted to see me?” Sirius said, waiting by the door, a boyish glint in his eye. 

Remus fought back a smile. “Yes.”

“What do you want then?”

“I think you know.”

“Do I?” Sirius said, pouting.

“Fuck off.”

Sirius edged closer, grinning. “Do you want me to stop taking my shirt off?”

“Yes,” Remus hissed. “Please.”

Sirius beamed wider. “And why would that be?”

Remus blushed furiously. This boy really did know how to wind him up. “It’s distracting.”

“Oh is it?” Sirius came closer, his eyes burning into Remus intensely. 

“Shut up,” Remus moaned, but this time a smile sneaked through. 

And Sirius came closer still. Remus could hear him breathing. Low and steady. The opposite to Remus, his heart beating a million miles an hour. And suddenly, his face was in front of his, so close he could now feel his breath on his cheek. He didn’t dare look into his eyes. It was too risky. Remus felt as if he was about to faint. Classy. 

Sirius kissed him. Simple as that. Remus thoroughly enjoyed it. And wow was it intense. Sirius knew what he was doing, of course, and left Remus flustered. “I knew you liked me,” he whispered, smirking as he pulled away.

Remus’s face was on fire. He bit his lip to prevent a grin slipping out. “You made it pretty obvious, yourself.”

Sirius laughed quietly, and slipped his hand into Remus’s. “I expect you’ve got stuff to do. Meet you in the common room later?”

“Yep.” Remus smiled. Sirius leaned in and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“Bye,” he whispered, before turning and leaving. Remus watched him as he left, allowing himself to beam widely. If he’d known how it would’ve gone, he would’ve kissed Sirius a lot earlier.

Meanwhile, in a broom cupboard somewhere, James Potter and Lily Evans were confused.

“So.”

“So.”

They both frowned. This is not what they had signed up for.

“Did we really just do that?” James asked, biting his lip. Lily hated it when he did that. He looked very stupid. And quite attractive. And so stupid.

“I think so,” she huffed.

“Remus is such a git.”

Lily sighed. “You didn’t have to kiss me you know. Remus was just winding you up.”

“Um,” James said, flushing slightly and crossing his arms. “I-”

“I mean,” Lily interrupted. “It’s fine. You did what you had to do.”

James nodded, although doubtfully. “Yes.”

Lily nodded too. There was a lot of nodding going on.

Silence.

And then: “So.”

And Lily kissed James. Less forcefully than before. Softer. Nicer. It was very nice, James thought. Brilliant, in fact. Neither of them really knew what was going on. All they knew was that Remus was quite clever really. 

“So,” Lily said.

“So.”

\---

It was the day of the performance. Remus was pretty satisfied with the work everyone had put in, although everything seemed a lot better when Sirius was your boyfriend.

The whole thing ran smoothly. James was adequately endearing, Lily was talented, Sirius was comedic, and Peter was brilliant, managing to fit in his Opera skill while making it seem natural. It was quite a feat. Even Dumbledore used both his hands to clap fully, rather than the restrained tapping he usually confined himself too. They all considered this the mark of true, resounding success.

  
  


Later, in the Gryffindor common room, Remus was lying in his favourite armchair, relishing in his directorial success. Not only had he organised a passable adaptation of Aladdin, but also, James and Lily were sharing a chair. He was very pleased with himself.

And he became even more pleased when Sirius leaned over his chair and whispered in his ear: “Dorm. Five minutes,” before turning to James and passionately debating the ups and downs of different Quidditch positions. While James went off on a tangent about Seekers, Remus swore he saw Sirius wink subtley in his direction. He hated himself for it, but it made his face heat up and his insides dance.

“So,” Remus said, once James had calmed down. “Are we supposed to just accept that this-” he gestured to James and Lily, “-is a thing now or are you going to tell us the details?”

“This?” James said, biting back a laugh. Remus raised an eyebrow. “Oh,  _ this _ .”

Lily rolled her eyes. “No details.”

“What?!” Sirius said, “No fair!”

Lily smirked, her eyes glinting cheekily. “Not until we hear everything about you two.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What?” 

That last one was James. 

“You… and you?” he spluttered, flailing his arms about.

“Um…”

“Um…”

“I feel faint,” he said, grinning. “Oh isn’t this lovely, all of us all loved up.”

“Ew.”

“Hey!” Peter exclaimed. “I’m not all loved up!”

Sirius leaned over and ruffled his hair. “Don’t worry Pete, you’ve got Snevy.”

Peter scowled and batted Sirius’s hand away. “Shut up,” he muttered.

“So, you two.” Lily prompted. “Tell all.”

“There’s not much to tell, really,” Sirius said, stretching his arm around Remus. James watched, dumbstruck. 

“We just… yeah.”

“Yeah,” Lily repeated, smirking. 

“So what about you two?” Marlene asked. 

James rolled his eyes. “I think you already know. It was all you and Remus’s doing in the first place.”

“I like to think we helped a bit.”

“Huh?” Peter said, raising his eyebrows.

Lily sighed. “You knew what we wanted before we did. Slightly questionable, but okay. It just took us a while to figure it out. We talked about it and well, here we are,” Lily said, lifting her and James’s entwined hands. James smiled warmly and squeezed her hand. 

And so they were. Remus and Sirius. James and Lily. Peter. Marlene. All was well.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this mess honestly i dont know what the ending was


End file.
